In general, preparations had been going relatively well, everything is organised, and to date, the only problem had been getting the fabric to make a couple of vests for BM & his brother. I ended up finding some lovely Irish Linen in chocolate brown all the way over in England. It was here in less than a week, vests were made in less than a week, and everything was sweet.
Or so I thought.
Last Sunday evening, I was told that my chosen venue had also booked in a farmers field day - on the same day as our long awaited nuptials. That sent me into a mild panic. I rang the caretaker on Monday morning and he assured me that all will be well on the day. He has called me twice since then, God bless him, to make sure that I'm not panicking. He's a big sweetie.
I was all calmed down, when that night on the way home from the cinema, at about 9.30pm I checked my phone to find several text messages and missed calls from the woman who was organising having my dress made to measure, to my specifications.
This did not bode well. Why would she call so late? Why so many times? Well, I was about to find out, and I was about to be very unhappy.
She had called to say that my dress had arrived by courier earlier that day, but that there was a problem.
Cue the cold chills...
The fabric I had chosen as an overlay a really nice crinkle chiffon hadn't been used, the dressmaker had used plain chiffon instead. When I asked her why he had done that, she told me that he said 'it would make the dress look too big'. Really?! I'm a 24-26. Ain't nuthin gonna make that dress look bigger than the person wearin' it!
Okay, I wasn't happy, I was really disappointed because it was that fabric that had sold me on the dress in the first place, but I was prepared to suck it up. So I said 'okay, I'll have a look at it tomorrow' and went to hang up. That was when she told me that he also stuffed up the length.
Cue more cold chills, add sinking feeling in pit of stomach...
She said he added a train. Now you might think - what's wrong with that?. First, I specifically said 'no train', second, it is supposed to be a tea length dress. They don't have trains... In case you haven't heard of 'tea length' it's when the hem stops below the knee but above the ankle. Mine was supposed to stop where a pair of 3/4 pants would stop, it stopped at my ankles, just shy of the floor. She said don't panic it can be fixed, we'll just cut it off. Lovely. That was when she told me that he had ballsed up the top of the dress.
Cue even more cold chills, sinking feeling in pit of stomach, add some nausea and throw in a sprinkle of oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me!
The original dress was strapless, I asked for the bodice which is heavily gathered to be continued all the way up and over the shoulder so that I could wear a bra, but that it not be see-through. She said 'yep no problem'. Delivery comes, and he had sewn on an extra piece instead of continuing the gathers up, it wasn't gathered which makes it completely see-through, and it was too tight around my arms. But it wasn't actually sewn on, it was sewn into the seam at the top of the bodice, which means it can't be removed and remade, only modified.
Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God could this get any worse???
I'm so glad you asked, because apparently it could!
Can you picture it? I'm 5'4" and shaped like a dumpling, flouncing around in a somewhat floaty shiny GOLD and white dress... Oh. My. Actual. God.
Even a Google image search can't reveal a short fat woman in a shiny gold dress. You know why? Because we're not that bloody stupid!
How many bloody ladders have I walked under?
How many black cats have not only crossed my path, but stopped to lick their butt as well??
Lets recap shall we?
Fabric - Wrong
Length - Wrong
Top - Wrong
Colour - Wrong
Fit - 99% Right
On Wednesday, I was speaking with her about all the problems which I had made clear to her the day before and she said that she can see I'm not happy no shit Sherlock? and offers me a refund. I talk with BM about it and he says take the refund and go buy something else. So I accepted her offer.
That's when the fun began. 8 solid hours of non-stop harassment by her, trying to bully me into keeping the dress. I was insulted, called a liar, accused of trying to cheat her out of money, had accused BFF of abuse, had DD who was at work accused of going to her home and abusing her. I was told all the problems were my fault, that I knew about them, that it was exactly as I had ordered... it just went on and on and on.
Somehow, I was able to keep my temper in check through the entire process, and eventually managed to get her to agree in writing to a full refund. Luckily I had paid using PayPal, so if she reneges which I fully expect her to do, I have recourse.
So here we are. Easter long weekend, shops are shut until Tuesday, it's 2 weeks before I'm due to be married, and I have no dress.
Perhaps I should double up on the Happy Pills?